Linda and I are poster girls for adoption into the Scott family. Linda is best friends with Caroline Scott, one of the twins, and lives in Baltimore. My best friend is Lindy Scott, the older sister. For years, Linda and I have been “competing” for our place among this family of two wonderful parents, six children and 11 grandchildren. Surely two more will never make an iota of difference in that crowd!

Recently, Linda sent me a stunning email, the content of which follows: “It is with great pride that I am writing you to inform you of my recent purchase of a house on Lake Murray. Guess what? It is spitting distance to the house owned by Lindy, Buzz and Cam. I am in! The house was purchased, site unseen. When Buzz called on Easter Sunday about the property, knowing he wanted me near the family, I agreed to the purchase without ever seeing the property. To this day, although most of the Scott family has visited and furnished the property, I have not seen it. I know they are preparing it for my arrival ... how special am I? I am writing to let you know that I will ’rent’ the property (a two-bedroom, two-bath house) to you any time you would like to visit the Scott family at the lake. Otherwise, you will have to try to find a bed at the ’big house’ or stay in the Holiday Inn at Newberry. I would like you to be part of the family, that’s why I am inviting you. It appears that, although I live quite a distance away, I am truly loved by the Scott family. I hope you are pleased and there are no ill feelings. Bottom line ... I’m in. Talk to me if you want to angle your way in, I’ll see if I can put in a good word for you.”

Note: Buzz and Cam are Lindy’s brothers, with whom Lindy purchased a lot and built the “big house” several years ago.

Linda seemed quite smug in her email, don’t you think? I replied to Linda shortly thereafter: “Linda, how delightful to hear from you this morning with such wonderful news. I am absolutely thrilled for you and I look forward to seeing you in the future on my lake! Ah, yes, dear. I am here to advise you that there is a substantial leasing fee (even though you ‘own’ the property) for the use of my name (Murray!); I suspect that you were not aware of this condition of purchasing on Lake Murray. But, then, that is typical. For the Scotts make wonderful friends and family; but when you choose to ’do bidness’ with them, they can be quite circumspect about particular details. You will be receiving the lease agreement along with the first year’s bill shortly.

Which brings up another matter. I have put my investigative skills to work and have discovered that you have not purchased this property on your own. No, indeed. You had to buy your way into the Scott family by agreeing to sacrifice your financial security and integrity to the likes of Cam and Buzz. Going into a business arrangement with those two means that you will sacrifice all rights to make decisions on ’your’ home to their higher wisdom and authority. It will take Cam six months to make a decision; Buzz will solve all problems in six seconds and be perturbed that Cam cannot make a decision. Cam will ’hmm’ and ’hmm’ for months on end; then the final result will never please Buzz. This is not family, Linda, this is chaos!

As to being a neighbor of the Scotts, I believe that you are at the end of the road, around the corner and way out of sight of the ’big house.’ That’s hardly neighbor status. I leave you with warm congratulations on the special times you will enjoy on my lake, and I remind you that I will never have to buy my way into the family. I am simply loved and adored for who I am.“

Unfortunately for both Linda and me, Ma and Pa Scott have yet to endorse any kind of adoption for either of us. But we will never cease trying!

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