Mistakes and experiencing defeat are common to all people. However, successful people choose to learn from their mistakes. Bumps in the road, defeats, wrong decisions, missed opportunities – whatever terms are used – all have the potential to become a learning experience.

All kids experience defeat sometime during their school career. Perhaps they try out for a position on an athletic team ... but they sit the bench. The school play is seeking great actors ... but they are invited to paint the scenery.

The big exam is tomorrow and they have studied hard ... but they do poorly. These episodes can be very disappointing and, at times, debilitating to a child’s self-confidence.

How do we as parents encourage our children to pick themselves up after disappointment and continue to meet new challenges?

We can begin by viewing mistakes and defeats as opportunities to learn. We should let our children know it is okay to try new things. Failure is not found in defeats and mistakes, but rather in not trying.

Give praise for effort

Let your child know that you are proud of them for trying. If they really gave it their best shot, then show support. If they did not give it their best shot, then let them know that you expect them to try harder or to find something which interests them more. Children need to understand that they will not be successful in everything.

Learn from mistakes

When an activity is attempted or poor choices are made and success is not achieved, then the opportunity to learn has arrived. Sometimes talking about their efforts and looking back at the events that led up to the final result helps one to figure out what went wrong. Allow positive sharing to take place in the absence of any judgmental tones. Often times the child will see their own mistakes. It is important for adults to provide a sounding board and offer encouragement.

Set a good example

Let your child know that there have been many events you have attempted where success was not achieved. Share some specific incidents, and let them know the impact these events have had on your life. If those mistakes are still hurtful, let them know that. Most of all share that in spite of defeat, you did not give up.

Choose your words carefully

Successful people rarely fail – at least they do not use the word “failure.” They may use terms such as “glitch,” “problem,” “snag” or “road block,” but they do not let these interruptions stop them. When something does not work as they plan, successful people ask the necessary questions so that they can learn from the experience.

Help your child learn from his interruptions when he is experiencing difficulties. Do not let him use negative terms like “failure” or “dumb.” Provide support for him to have an educational encounter by using constructive words to describe final results that do not measure up to his expectations.

Remember and forget

Remember the lesson and forget the error. Allow your child to learn from his mistakes, but do not hold that mistake over his head forever. Most of the time children feel bad enough about mistakes, poor choices or defeats without being reminded about past failures.

Focus on strengths

Children should be given many opportunities. They will not be successful in everything. Help your child recognize the things he excels in. When something new is tried that results in disappointment, remind him about the activities he does well. Above all, remind your child that you love him for who he is, not for what he does.

I hope I never get too old to try new things ... never too old to make mistakes ... never too old to learn.

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