A friend of mine who attended The Citadel related to me recently that one of the first things he learned was that there were only three answers to a question. Yes, sir! No, sir! No excuses, sir!

We were discussing the cultural mindset of entitlement and excuse that pervades our society, bemoaning the reality that we see far more people who refuse to take responsibility for their own lives than we had seen in our formative years. Indeed, we reminisced about what was expected and demanded of us even as young children in matters such as respect, hard work, obedience and honesty.

Those traits, instilled not by kowtowing to our self-esteem, were instead driven home by parents who expected us to listen to them, to follow their examples, and to anticipate discipline and punishment when we messed up.

An idea behind one of Stephen Covey's seven effective habits of successful people is the philosophy of no excuses. His first habit centers on being proactive in your life. Take charge, he says. Don't blame anyone else for your circumstances. Be responsible and take the initiative in your life. Other people can affect your circumstances, certainly, but no one else but you can decide how you are going to respond to them.

Let me relate a story. She was born a slave in the United States during the 19th century. She had no formal education. As a young child, a blow to her head rendered her lethargic, a condition that plagued her for the rest of her life. She married at 24 but never had any children.

When her owner planned to sell her, she escaped without even saying goodbye to her family. Their knowledge of her plan might thwart her escape or put them in danger. In secrecy and without the usual family hugs and well wishes that send us on journeys, she broke away from the only life she knew. She left her husband, her parents and her friends and vanished into a world she had never known before.

She returned 19 times to help other slaves flee their existence. When she returned to get her husband, she discovered that he had married someone else. He refused to see her; in her words, "He dropped me out of his heart."

It seems to me that this woman had a number of excuses she could have used to give up on life. She could have used the head injury as an excuse to do nothing. She could have used the betrayal of her husband to become an embittered soul. She could have used her life to exact revenge on masters who enslaved her and she could have drudged up all those memories every day of the rest of her life to ju.jpgy anger, resentment, heartache and a ruined self-esteem.

She did none of this. She instead used her circumstances to her advantage. The lethargy allowed her to blend in crowds, mostly unnoticed, on missions to rescue other slaves. People thought her mentally deficient, certainly no one to be of any threat. She used her husband's rejection to gain emotional strength. It made her fearless, a trait she needed for the dangerous missions she executed.

"I can't die but once," she said. And with that attitude, she risked her own life time and time again to do what was good for other people. She did not focus on her losses but used them to garner the intestinal fortitude she would need to spend more nights in the woods than she would in her own bed.

Harriet Tubman died at the ripe young age of 93, having become the most famous conductor on the Underground Railroad. Her courage, her foresight, her ingenuity and her character serve to challenge us to live a no excuses life.

Harris Murray is director of library services at Orangeburg-Calhoun Technical College. She can be reached by e-mail at writeharris55@yahoo.com.

You must be logged in to comment.