Trends in television, like the rest of the entertainment world, come and go. Most are just flash-in-the-pans while some have more staying power. However, somewhere along the way a group of maverick Left Coast television producers got the notion to simply manufacture “real life” situations, film them and call them “entertainment.”

The impetus behind the “reality television” genre over a decade ago probably came about because a previous Screen Writer’s Guild strike cleaned out said producers’ trust funds and they saw this new trend as the perfect opportunity to do unscripted shows. This served the purpose of saving producers tons of money and screwing the writers out of legal tender at the same time. Frankly, I’ve never liked the term “reality.” Instead, I call it “train wreck television.”

Watching a mere 15 minutes of this visual rubbish is enough to edify anyone as to its popularity with the masses. Any moron (guilty as charged) can figure this out. Additionally, any reporter who has spent his or her career following the old journalism adage “if it bleeds, it leads” instinctively understands the psychological underpinnings of “reality” programming in a nanosecond.

The average person, viewing the carnage brought about by a car crash or natural disaster, usually can’t keep themselves from gawking at it. The same principle applies to “train wreck television.” No matter how inane, pedestrian, or otherwise downright preposterous any premise on “reality” television, many people are instinctively drawn to it.

Since I can’t quell this steady stream of visual lobotomy myself, I propose that we attempt to move “reality” television from the sublime to the ridiculous. Based on the dual premises that any highly medicated fool with a camcorder can produce this crap and that pushing the “reality” envelope to its logical ends will eventually bring real creativity back to the small screen, I give you a sample of the new fall lineup of truthful “reality” television.

“Flip This Spouse” (HGTV, Oxygen Network): Join in America’s favorite obsession as married couples attempt to re-work their life partners into what they “should” be. Each week, a different couple will be featured as one husband or wife submits the other to intense psychological reprogramming. Enjoy the hilarity that ensues when the brainwashed partner is then sent to live with the in-laws to complete the personality reversal process. Each show ends as the drooling, muttering spouse is then either taken back by into the marriage or sold into indentured servitude, thereby providing the necessary funds for the dating process to begin anew (Adult language, counseling tips, heavy pharmaceuticals).

“Truck My Trick” (CMT): Delve into the fascinating lives of interstate truckers as they try to eliminate all evidence of their dalliances with truck and rest stop “ladies of the evening.” Explore the Metal Shop Mafia as it provides a new service for these hapless truckers: loading up semis full of roadside prostitutes who are then transported en masse to discount Nevada brothels (Partial nudity, money laundering, primo metal fabrication).

“Homie Bob Droopy Pants” (Cartoon Network): Comedy rules under the sea on Wednesday nights as Homie Bob attempts to flip burgers on a hot grill with one hand while simultaneously trying to hold up his britches with the other. The fun begins and spatulas and belt buckles fly as Homie Bob’s boss, finally fed up with looking at his sponge grooves, permanently secures his pants around his waist with a meat skewer (Violence, grilling tips, fashion critiques).

Stay tuned. Next season, I’ll unveil the riveting plot lines for the new series “Iron Fry Cook,” “Two And A Half Yen” and “The Young and The Clueless.”

T&D Correspondent Phil Sarata can be reached by e-mail at pmhsarata@aol.com.

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