I love the NBC “Today Show” segment “Where in the World is Matt Lauer?” I think it’s so cool that he gets to travel all over the place and, just from scenery or other clues, people can guess where he is. Wouldn’t that be neat?

At my house, we play a different version of that game. It’s called “Where in the World did I put that (whatever)” or “Now, how did that get here?”

Honestly, I must have a bad infestation of gnomes. I have specific places where I put specific things. But, try as I might, when I need the “whatever” in a hurry, it is no where to be found.

Documents are the worst. You let me put down an important piece of paper and turn my back. It must immediately sprout legs and take off to the hinter world only to innocently reappear as soon as I return from a trip back into Orangeburg to get a duplicate. Then, sometime in the dark of night, the two documents get together and WHAMM-O! The next morning, I have six stacks of meaningless paper trash that sprung up out of nowhere. I’ll bet I have more paper in my house than a printing company. Last week, I took out six (count them: 1-2-3-4-5-6!!) of those black trash bags stuffed full of paper. And, I could (and intend to) do it again this week. And next week and the week after, etc.

I taught school for years and always thought of myself as a pretty good disciplinarian. I’m not a “junky” sort of person, either. I like things to be where they belong and, if they don’t belong – good-bye! But managing all this paper is getting the best of me. I don’t know where it comes from or why it’s even here. I have tried to sort it into different boxes, filing cabinets, door pockets that I can think of. I tried making piles on the counter for “must deal with” and “everything else in the trash.” I even tried LaMarck’s theory: “If you are not going to use it, lose it.” All to no avail.

I wonder – Are there others out there like me? Drowning in gobs and piles of paper? Does anybody have a solution? Has anyone ever mastered the Great Paper Caper?

It’s late now, and I must begin to think about going to bed. I turn off the light and crawl wearily between the sheets. What’s that rustle? I walk back into the living area and turn on the light. I give a glance around and see ... a new mound of paper apparently just birthed and still scattered all over the counter and floor. Even as I watch, it grows bigger and bigger and ... Well, you get the picture.

If you’ve tamed your paper monster, I would really like to know how. I’m getting a little afraid to come home, and trying to sleep is almost out of the question. Quick! Turn on the light! I think I hear the Rabid Paper Monster!!

T&D Correspondent Sherryl Peters can be reached by e-mail at boykinbaby@surrealestate.com.

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