We’ve all been told, probably at least once in our lives, to put our brain in gear before we open our mouths. I’ve heard it more than once; and I’ve said it to myself time and time again when something just doesn’t seem to come out the way I intended it to.

As I age, I discover that my brain gears don’t work quite as quickly as they used to. The nerve network gets its wires crossed and sparks go off that cause my brain to short circuit. Or some nerves, in the process of dying off, affect the functionality of the healthy nerves, knocking up against them and pushing them over like dead weight.

Then there are the times when none of the nerves work. That’s when I know, as I like to phrase it, that the train has left the station and I can’t even hear the whistle down the tracks. I hate those moments. Regardless of what I am about to say, the brain simply stops in mid-sentence and my voice abruptly takes a sojourn into the void of silence. That awkward silence is beginning to come more often. That bothers me. I’m getting used to it. That scares me.

Since I work and have traditionally worked in a customer service environment, such moments can hinder effective communication with customers. Either the wrong thing comes out or nothing comes out. Whatever the situation, it can affect the level of service the customer is seeking.

That’s why I keep a list of words taped to my computer monitor. They remind my befuddled brain what it’s supposed to call up when any variety of situations arises. The words are dead-on for customer service, but they’re good words to use any time. I’d like to memorize them, but with my brain’s current condition, that’s unlikely. So I figure if I look at them every day, somehow my brain will absorb them subliminally.

The words come from Kaset International, a company that offers customer service training programs. They’re posted on an index card with a big smiley face at the top. On the flip side are words to avoid with a big frowny face at the top. I keep mine turned on the smiley face side; if I don’t see the wrong words, then hopefully I won’t use them as often. And I like smiley faces better than frowny faces any day.

For great relations of any kind, here are some questions we might all think about using a little more often: Are you willing? Will you? What have you considered? What are the options? Which do you prefer? What are the alternatives? How can it be corrected? How can I help? What do you want me to do?

In addition, the following statements might effectively strengthen our communications: Here are some options. I made a mistake. I understand. I understand your concern. I apologize for (be specific).

Finally, there are four-word suggestions: however, will/willing, able, unable.

Put some of them together and you might get something that sounds a little like this: “I am unable to do that; however, let’s look at some other options to see if we can correct this situation.” Now, to me, that sounds a lot better than: “Look, I just can’t do anything about it.”

The first message says we can work together, even if the outcome will not be what I necessarily anticipated or wanted. The second message says case closed, get out of my face so I can be rude to the next person.

Don’t know about you, but I much prefer being treated by someone with the skills of the first message. And I need to remind myself that others like to be treated that way as well. After all, the brain challenges do continue.

Harris Murray is director of library services at Orangeburg-Calhoun Technical College. She can be reached by e-mail at writeharris55@yahoo.com.

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