 |
Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for college students, the third-leading cause of death for youths ages 15 to 24 and the fifth-leading cause of death in children 10 to 14 years old, according to Mental Health America of South Carolina.
Youths who have attempted suicide and failed often say they wanted to end the pain of living, according to the Youth Suicide Prevention Program. Most youths who want to die are also likely the victims of mental disorders such as depression or bipolar disorder, the YSPP said. Often, these illnesses have not been diagnosed.
Suicide not only wastes lives and steals the future -- it also devastates those who are left behind, says Steve Fugate, whose son committed suicide in 1999.
"On July 17, 1999, my beautiful son went down on the beach, stuck a gun in his mouth and ended both our lives. I lost my boy -- my whole life," Fugate said. "I screamed and I cried for months. I went nuts. You do go nuts when you lose a child, and that's all right. Losing a child is like having someone carve your heart out while you're still breathing."
After a time, Fugate said he pieced his life back together and began a mission to save other lives. The Vero Beach, Fla., native now travels across the country, telling individuals and groups about the horrors of suicide and the joy of living.
There are signs that might warn parents, relatives and friends that their loved is contemplating suicide, says Lorel Humberg, a counselor at the Orangeburg Area Mental Health Center. She said teenagers contemplating suicide often isolate themselves from their friends and family and may drop out of clubs or skip family time and meals.
"If a teenager or child says things like, 'I just don't want to be here,' or 'You'd be better off without me,' take it seriously," Humberg said. "If they suddenly seem to be so much better, that's when the dangerous time is. All of a sudden, it's okay. That may mean that they've decided to go ahead with plans to end it, especially if they start giving away their favorite clothes and possessions."
So what can parents, relatives and friends do to help?
"Kids have problems talking with their parents," Humberg said. "They don't want to come across as failures. They may feel like they're the only ones with a problem and don't want to confess it. But parents can help by trying to understand the difficulties of growing up and making themselves open to discussion without being critical."
An especially dangerous time for teenagers is when relationships end, she said.
"If your daughter has broken up with her boyfriend, you might say something like, 'I had a hard time when my boyfriend broke up with me. What would you do if that happened to you?'" Humberg said. "Tell them you understand that it seems like the end of the world, but these are just feelings, and they will pass. Tell them that they'll get through this. Tell them, 'Let's get you some help so you can talk it through.'"
If your teen is on the verge of a real crisis, get them to the emergency room immediately, Humberg said. Mental health professionals will be called in to access the situation and connect the individual with a counselor.
Teens are more likely to talk to their friends when they're considering suicide, Humberg said, but friends often times don't want to "rat." She said teens need to know that it's not ratting to tell on friends and get them help that might save their lives.
Fugate has three words for teens whose friends are thinking about suicide.
"Rat on them," he said. "Six days before he did it, my son told a girl he'd dated for three years, 'I'm thinking about eating a bullet.' She didn't tell anyone, and now, she has to live with it."
Kids who talk about suicide don't really want to die -- they're begging for help, Fugate said.
"This is what I try to brainwash into young people. If you tell on them, you're going to be the best friend they ever had because you saved their life," he said. "Teenagers say dumb things like, 'What if they never speak to me again?' And I say, 'Would you rather them not speak to you because they won't, or because they can't?"
Humberg said suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
"Sometimes, we get into dark holes," she said. "Everything seems hopeless, but that's temporary. You won't always feel that way. These are feelings, and they will pass. There is always a way to work things (out), a way out of every situation. There is always hope for the future."
Humberg said young people contemplating suicide should talk with an adult they trust, like a school guidance counselor or their pastor, or call an OAMHC counselor at 803-536-1571. She said the suicide hotline is also available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, at 1-800-273-TALK.
"Someone will talk with you for as long as you need," Humberg said.
Fugate said life is worth living -- it's wonderful, and it's what you make of it.
"Life is that air you feel on your lip when you wake up in the morning," he said. "He's sitting on the bed or in the corner. You've got to jump right out of bed and reach over and grab him by the throat and force him to submit to whatever you want to do for that day.
"Pretty soon, life will get used to that and will do exactly what you make it do."
T&D Correspondent Dale Linder-Altman can be reached by e-mail at jerryanddale@lowcountry.com. Discuss this and other stories online at TheTandD.com.
Youth suicide prevention conference set for Oct. 24
According to the Suicide Prevention Resource Center, in 2006, 20 South Carolina teens took their own lives, and another 282 attempted suicides resulted in injuries that required hospitalization.
In an effort to combat teen suicide, Mental Health America of South Carolina and Orangeburg-Calhoun Technical College will sponsor a teen suicide prevention conference from 7:45 a.m. to 2 p.m. Friday, Oct. 24, at OCtech.
Featured speaker will be Christian comedian, actor, writer and producer Akintunde. The conference will use interactive workshops to promote resource sharing, facilitate networking and seek approaches and solutions for suicide prevention, said Sonja D. Glover, CE&P director of the Orangeburg Area Mental Health Center.
The conference is open to the public. Cost is $15 for students and $20 for adults and includes a continental breakfast, lunch and conference materials.
For more information and registration forms, call Glover at 803-536-1571, ext. 129, or visit the Orangeburg Area Mental Health Center at 2319 St. Matthews Road in Orangeburg.