Now that Congress has passed a bailout – ’scuse me, an “investment” – package for the Wall Street crowd, our elected leaders are busy patting themselves on their collective back for heroically saving us from potential financial ruin. This action now obligates all of us to approximately $10,000 per household.

Aww, ain’t they sweet?

While doling out $700 billion to failed financial institutions may now be necessary to protect the masses of the Great Unwashed, you can bet the presidential candidates of the two major political parties will find a way to spin it to their advantage in the coming weeks leading up to the general election. Yes, they will look directly into the television camera with furrowed brows and, speaking in hushed tones, bemoan the need for the greatest federal government handout since FDR’s New Deal.

You can rest assured they will somehow deduce that if only “my opponent” had done such-and-thus, we wouldn’t have had to contend with this money pit quicksand in the first place.

There is still one problem that remains to be solved. No matter what transpires with the economy, you, me and probably our progeny will have to pay this entire check at the Washington Hot Air Restaurant. The unspoken part is that our leaders won’t have to lift the proverbial finger to do anything else other than ensure that tax collections continue to roll in on schedule.

I think a slightly altered plan of action is needed. Since John McCain, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and Joe Biden, et al., are going to be pandering for our votes, the downtrodden American taxpayer should at least be able to insist on his or her pound of flesh in return.

I say we put ‘em to work.

The concept of vote buying has always had a negative connotation. In the current political climate, however, we have the opportunity to turn that into a positive. Beginning now, let’s work out a very simple barter system – one vote for a day of doing chores around our homes and businesses.

Since we have to again foot the bill for someone else’s greed, let’s get some value out of the deal.

I can just see McCain mucking out the litter box at my place or Obama using his campaign dollars to fill my gas tank rather than waste it on useless television ads. I’ll put Palin’s talents for hunting to good use as she provides my household with enough venison to last the winter. Biden can serve his purpose by signing us up for that primo health care coverage that Congress enjoys.

The entire mental image warms the cockles of my heart, and I’m a man who enjoys having his cockles warmed.

While we’re at it, let’s not leave our senators and representatives out of the fun. They’re stumping for votes now, too. Fortunately for them, the oil in my truck needs changing and footing the bill for a few congressional executive lunches for me and the wife is not too much to ask in return for doing my patriotic duty in helping out their PAC contributors, now is it?

Don’t view it as a bailout, Congress – just look at it as an investment in the little people.

T&D Staff Writer Phil Sarata can be reached by e-mail at psarata@timesanddemocrat.com or by phone at 803-533-5540.

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