This is a topic that has been debated, argued over, discussed and proverbially beaten like a dead horse in many different publications and venues over the years. Naturally, this means I also have to chime in. It concerns the general lack of what we used to refer to as good manners.

I'll be the first to admit the older generation is often the first to complain of the deterioration of common courtesy. This goes hand-in-glove with an old adage that advancing age is synonymous with a keen concern about the declining morality of the young. That doesn't mean the lack of social graces in society shouldn't concern us.

It's no secret that politicians and social pundits have long bellyached about the declining quality of public discourse in modern American society. I think this is the logical result of too many people descending into the gutter concerning their approach to conflict. The result is far too much profanity, personal attacks and, if all else fails, physical assault and battery.

Even when I was a lad in a sailor's shirt and knee pants, I can still remember adults addressing each other as "Mister," "Missus" or "Miss." "Ms." was at least 10 years away, and to automatically address someone by their first name was still considered in poor taste.

Although I'm not totally against the more relaxed tone of interpersonal communication today, I'm still saddened and disappointed that many people feel they are always the focal point for everything that happens around them. This is not just an age-related issue, either. I've had just as many personal experiences, where adults my age "show their tail" as do children, teens and even college-age young adults.

Here again, I have only my own childhood experiences - steeped in dysfunctional family dynamics though they may be - to use as a guidepost.

My maternal grandmother was a stickler for the rules of etiquette. The daughter of a proper Englishwoman, this little four-foot-seven-inch ball of fire certainly had a number of personal faults. Among these was the ability to drink anyone under the table as she enjoyed double gin and tonics during the traditional four o'clock "tea time" to which she strictly adhered. She was nonetheless very strict when it came to our level of breeding. The simple act of putting my elbows on the table was a social faux pas of the highest order in my grandparents' home.

A perfect example of blithely ignoring others presented itself recently. My wife and I live at the back of our apartment complex, which adjoins the boundary of another apartment complex. The maintenance crew mowing the grass on the other property threw grass on our side, covering the sidewalk and the front doors of our apartment and that of all our neighbors.

Fortunately for them, I was on hand to lovingly point out how leaving one's mess for someone else to handle exhibited a decided lack of good breeding. Their response, although in bad taste, was greatly tempered when I said I would happily move the grass shavings to their employer's front step and thank him profusely for having his crew - whose names I now knew - thoughtfully deposit it at my door.

It's amazing how common courtesy can go such a long way ...

T&D Staff Writer Phil Sarata can be reached by e-mail at psarata@timesanddemocrat.com or by phone at 803-533-5540. Discuss this and other stories online at TheTandD.com.

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