AIKEN — One of the toughest things Terrance Smith does is look into the mirror in the morning.

Where most people simply see their reflection, Smith sees so much more.

"I look just like him," Smith said. "A lot of people say I look like my mother, but I guess that’s because they know that is all I have. But, I get my complexion from my father, my eyes, my hair ... I look just like him."

Terrance Smith was 5 years old, a star quarterback for the North Aiken Bears Bantam League football team, when Phillip Smith walked out and left his son behind. The elder Smith stayed in Aiken, visible to his son, but out of touch just the same.

"The bad thing about it was, he was staying in Aiken, and I still haven’t talked to him, really, since I was 5," Smith said. "Sometimes, I would see him driving down the street, and he wouldn’t even look at me. It’s tough for me to just deal with those things."

So, that look into the mirror is tough because the man that Smith grew up hoping to get just a wave or a nod from as he rolled by him on the street is the same man that he has grown up to look like. It hurts, it has been a struggle and it will always be that way. There are mountains of statistics stemming from hundreds of studies that suggest that Terrance Smith, a young man who grew up without a father, shouldn’t be where he will be today — starting at wide receiver for the South Carolina State Bulldogs when they take on Norfolk State.

"Let me tell you something, for Terrance to have made it this far, he has beat all the odds," South Carolina State defensive line coach David Blanchard, the man that recruited Smith out of Aiken High School, said. "In Aiken, I can go now and look at another kid, they will swear Terrance is out of school. You know, yeah, maybe you did see him back in Aiken, but that was when we were on break. No one ever gave him a chance to make it in college for four or five years."

But, the journey for the 6-2, 190-pound senior wide receiver is far from over, and it hasn’t been easy. From the time he stepped foot on the football field at Aiken High, Smith was a regular in coach Carey Johnson’s after-practice punishment running group. But, he also developed a strong relationship with his former high school coach.

"Coach Johnson would always tell me, ‘Your books are your ticket’," Smith said. "He would say, ‘You can travel from here to Orangeburg or from here to California, but if you don’t have any books your ticket is going to expire.’ That still comes back to haunt me."

Smith was what South Carolina State coaches call a "guy" coming out of high school. A Shrine Bowl selection, he played alongside players like current Cleveland Browns receiver Mohammed Massaquoi and current Minnesota Vikings receiver Sidney Rice and more than held his own. But, with his mother, Christine Barnwell, working long shifts at a North Augusta shoe department, Smith had plenty of free time to get into trouble. Haunted by several off-the-field incidents and a sagging academic record, the big schools passed on Smith. South Carolina State stayed on him strong.

"To be honest, you could never catch up with Terrance," Blanchard said. "That is a sure sign of a guy that can really play football. He knew he was a ‘guy’."

Eventually, and with a little nudging from Johnson and Barnwell, Smith chose the Bulldogs instead of deciding to play for a junior college. Still, through four seasons with the team, he has yet to fully shake his off-the-field struggles. Just this season, Smith’s eligibility remained in limbo until the day before the Bulldogs’ kicked off to play Grambling in the season-opening MEAC-SWAC Challenge, and due to his academic struggles he has missed the past two springs.

"I’ve created my perception for myself, and ... just, these off-the-field issues can play a big role in your part on the team," Smith said.

"I honestly thought during the summer time that I wasn’t going to make it (eligibility wise)," he added. "My teammates, Will Ford and Travil Jamison, they are like best friends to me, and they kept telling me to be focused every day. They said, ‘You gotta keep fighting. God didn’t bring you this far to drop you off here. You just have to stay focused, stay faithful and keep fighting.’ They helped me every day. Hearing those words coming from players and coaches encouraged me to take this class thing more seriously and become a student-athlete, not just an athlete."

On the field, Smith, who also plays defensive back for the Bulldogs in goal-line situations, has been stellar. This season, he is second on the team in receptions with 11, his best game — three catches for 56 yards — coming against the South Carolina Gamecocks last Saturday. Two seasons ago, he came up with the highlight reel, "Centennial Catch," an overtime, one-handed snag of a Cleve McCoy pass that gave the Bulldogs a touchdown and a win over Morgan State in overtime. The play was, arguably, one of the greatest in the history of the school.

"He could be an NFL guy, but being an NFL guy is as much the sense of being, work ethic, personality and just plain old football smarts as much as being an athlete is," South Carolina State head coach Oliver "Buddy" Pough said. "There is no doubt that he is hardnosed enough and has the ability to be an NFL guy. I’ve always thought that, but whether he is going to settle down enough and be someone you can depend on to be where he is supposed to be is going to determine whether he is able to do those special things."

That is a fact that has set in for Smith. Wednesday, he sat on a bench inside Oliver C. Dawson Stadium in full pads, his eyes scanning the empty visitor’s bleachers. He was there to talk about football, but the discussion turned out to be more about life than anything. His dream is to play in the NFL, but it is obvious the 22-year-old has been spending plenty of time evaluating his life. If pro football doesn’t work out, one thing he is sure of is, post-S.C. State, he can’t go back home. Return to Aiken, Smith said, and he would end up failing. That could be tough because there’s no question his heart is in Aiken. Barnwell still lives there, and the little boy that grew up in Governor Aiken Park still has hope that his father will take a page out of his book, wake up, look in the mirror, see his son looking back at him and give him a call.

Unfortunately, that day still seems distant. This summer, when his chances of gaining eligibility looked bleak, Terrance Smith picked up the phone and called his father.

"I just tried to express to him ... everybody makes mistakes," Smith said of the brief talk. "I asked him if he could change and he told me he was happy with the life he had. With that ... I just gave up. He’s still my father. Every day I think of him. Who’s my father? Every night when I go to sleep, I think about that. Who’s my mother and who’s my father? I pray for them both. I have to think about him. He’s my father. It’s just plain and simple. (Him hanging up on me) was worse than when he left, and I kind of regret calling him and even telling him that. But, I would rather express my feelings and be hurt than to keep holding my feelings in and still have to deal with the hurt and pain without telling him. Now that I know that he is happy, I can at least start to focus on myself and just let him know ... I don’t know ... I guess just let him be happy. Let him be by himself."

Terrance Smith continues to battle on.

"At the age of 10, I had to be the man in the house," he said. "Now, my little brother is in high school. He plays football, but he is ineligible this year. See ... it transpires from year to year and these are the things I have to fix now.

"You know," he added, "if football doesn’t work out, I’m going to turn back to this school. I would like to counsel young kids that have been in situations similar to mine and explain to them that their situation might not be as bad as others and that they can make it because I’m going to make it."

T&D Sports Editor Brian Linder can be reached via e-mail at blinder@timesanddemocrat.com or by phone at 803-533-5553. For more on S.C. State athletics visit www.thebulldogzone.com

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